


Greater Than Us

by Hotalando



Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Europe, France (Country), Light Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-31
Updated: 2013-05-13
Packaged: 2017-12-07 01:58:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/742834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hotalando/pseuds/Hotalando
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[ZoSan/AU] Since he's a little boy Sanji dreams about living in Europe. As he grows older that wish becomes more and more unbearable and he even accepts to sacrifice his relationship with Zoro to become what he desires the most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was the neighbor’s loud shouting voice that woke him up from a deep slumber. He sighed, wiped his face with the palm of his right hand and opened his eyes to glare at the ceiling. The city lights shone in through the windows, lightening up the dark room like during the day. Their quick afternoon nap must’ve turned into a long slumber, so he wasn’t quite surprised to find the other side of the bed empty; his boyfriend was probably preparing dinner for them.

 

A weak smile crossed his features; he loved to wake up to find his boyfriend still fast asleep next to him. The mess of blond hair covering half of his face, his head resting on his arm and the other hand always around his belly. His lips would be parted a little and sometimes his bottom lip would twitch and Zoro always wondered what he was dreaming about but he never remembered to ask him.

 

Foot stomping from above made him groan in annoyance, one day they would crash it and he wouldn’t hesitate to draw one of his katana and feed it fresh flesh. They were quiet at night but noisy enough during the day. When Sanji had late shifts at the Baratie, he would sleep during the day after to catch up sleep and Zoro felt responsible to keep everyone and everything quiet for his boyfriend. Which sometimes ended with him knocking at their neighbor’s door and holding them a lecture, rarely threatening with his katana. But those bastards never learned and he grew more and more fed up with their disrespectful behavior. Thus he was doing hours at the dojo so they could move out and afford a better apartment.

 

With a sigh he sat up, quickly glanced at the alarm clock and climbed out of bed. He was still dressed in his work clothes, when he had gotten home Sanji had been asleep already so he had just laid down next to him to be close and recover from work. Before he left their bedroom, he changed into more comfortable clothes and paid the bathroom a quick visit.

 

His pajama pants were draped over the end of bed as usual, he never had the mind to put them back into the closet when he wore them every day anyway. So when he stepped in front of the sink and found only his own toothbrush and paste on the shelf, it hit him like a truck.

 

While putting on a shirt and shoes in a rush, Zoro’s mind was spinning, he felt dizzy and strangely tired. It wasn’t the first time that Sanji had packed his bags and left without a goodbye, it wasn’t the first time he woke up to an empty apartment. Not the first time in general but the first time in a while.

 

Sanji had always been up for drama. There were a few things in his life that he had never dealt with, and he was carrying them through his life without ever once complaining. He just gave into their weight once in a while and that was when he ran away. Usually to the same place, sometimes Zoro would notice in time so that he would catch him just around the corner, or across the street. But sometimes he’d find him at the train station, about to buy a ticket to wherever he thought he had to go.

 

Dressed in just his pajama pants and a worn down shirt, Zoro ran through the streets towards the closest train station. It was dark and rainy and people threw glances at him as if he had gone mad, running around in such clothes in the middle of February but he couldn’t think clearly anymore. He had to reach him, he had to find Sanji in time. What if he was too late? The blonde had big dreams, dreams about going abroad and become something greater than he was. Ever since they had met in high school, Sanji had been dead serious about leaving Japan one day and he had ever since been trying to afford a flight to Europe.

 

It was thanks to their love and Zoro’s constant begging that Sanji stayed. At least Zoro hoped that he was the reason. He didn’t want Sanji to stay unhappy for him but he wanted to be the reason why he kept his sanity and going to France out of the blue with no money nor an idea about life there was insane in Zoro’s opinion.

 

He didn’t have time to wait for the traffic lights to change and he almost got hit by a car when he ran across the main street like a maniac. His clothes were soaked from all the rain, stuck to his body like a second skin and some part of him felt cold and tired from running and from chasing after Sanji again. Even though he loved the blonde cook with all his heart, he was sick and tired with the treatment he received in return. He did everything Sanji asked him to, he had always done everything necessary to see Sanji smile. But it had never been enough.

 

The entrance hall of the train station was crowded and loud, too many blonde’s, too many people blocking his way as he tried to find his boyfriend. He could already be on his way to the next airport and Zoro couldn’t be there in time because a group of stupid teenagers was sitting on the stairs to the tracks. He kicked one of them in the side and shouted “Be useless somewhere else!” as he ran past them, too fast for any of them to follow. If he’d missed Sanji, he would come back to beat them up.

 

As Zoro reached the top of the stairs and gained an overview over the tracks, he felt his heart beating painfully in his chest. His eyes scanned the crowd of people waiting for their trains to arrive, there were too many and too many that looked like Sanji from so far away. He climbed down the steps towards track three and four, ignoring everyone he bumped into. A train arrived on the left side, people stepped out and people stepped in and soon track four was almost empty.

 

What if he had missed him? What if that train had taken him away from him? Zoro didn’t want to imagine it, the nightmares he occasionally had were enough for him. Brushing through his wet green hair, Zoro walked over to the bench separating the tracks. His eyes never stopped to look around and look for the blonde who could be on any other track, he didn’t know on which he could be either.

 

When he turned around, to look over to track two, he saw him. He was standing right opposite of him, two lines of tracks between them that Zoro was about to run across when the train on track three arrived. Instead he turned on his heel and ran up the stairs over to track two; he almost fell down the stairs on the other side. He bumped into a lady and almost knocked her off her feet but he didn’t look back, he ran and ran until he was close enough to pull that idiot into his arms.

 

They embraced and kissed almost kicked over the suitcases standing by Sanji’s feet. Zoro held him tightly in his arms, determined to never let him go again, to never let him go so far and almost leave him forever. It didn’t take him long though to notice that Sanji wasn’t sharing his enthusiasm in being found in time by him.

 

“Let’s go home again, okay?” Zoro smiled carefully, leaning his forehead against Sanji’s who pulled his head away just a moment later.

 

The blonde shook his head. “No, Zoro, I won’t go home.” He slipped out of the green-haired man’s grasp and stepped back, hands in his coat’s pockets to search for his cigarettes and lighter. “This is it, Zoro.”

 

“No... no,” Zoro shook his head and reached for Sanji’s hand, “We go home and have dinner and talk about this, okay? Everything will be alright again, I promise! Didn’t we want to move out anyway? We could... we could move to France together, we could plan this for real, and leave together!”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous! You have a job here that you love. No one is into old-fashioned Japanese sword style in France,” Sanji frowned and freed his hand out of Zoro’s grip, “You have friends and family here, you have a life here. You can’t just leave!”

 

“Neither can you!” Zoro pointed out in a loud voice that made a group of high schoolers stop and stare at them in shock and interest. “You too have family and friends here, don’t you think we would miss you? We want you here! We need you here, I need-”

 

“BUT I’M SICK OF IT!” Sanji shouted angrily. His whole body was trembling from the outburst and Zoro noticed tears brimming in his eyes. There was a pause in which he just stared at the blonde who fumbled with his pack of cigarettes, desperately trying to get a smoke. When he had finally inhaled a long drag, he continued, “I am not as lucky as you, Zoro. My life’s goal isn’t here, it’s not where I was born and grew up like you. I’m not happy here and I can’t become what I want to be here. Can you imagine how frustrating that is? Can you imagine what it feels like to watch everyone happily doing their dream job while I’m stuck at the old geezer’s shitty tavern? I want more than that!”

 

Zoro didn’t dare to say anything, he let his shoulders drop in defeat. He couldn’t beat that, he didn’t have anything to bring up that could win over Sanji’s reasoning. Again, they were silent, Sanji was probably trying to calm down before he continued. So Zoro finally decided to say something. “But we could still-”

 

“NO! Goddammit, there is **no** _we_ in my dreams, Zoro!” Sanji interrupted him, “I can’t wait anymore, I have no time or mind to plan anything! I am sick of my job, I am sick of this town, I am sick of Japan and I am sick of YOU!”

 

Zoro’s heart stopped beating for a moment. It was hard to breathe, the world around him turned blurry for a minute, all he could see was Sanji in front of him. The only person he had ever loved, the only person he would kill and die for. He had given up on so many things for him to make their relationship better because he thought their feelings were mutual... So it had been wishful thinking all this time.

 

“Okay,” Zoro said plainly, his voice calm and emotionless, “Fine, go. Good luck with your dreams. I've always wanted you to be happy, I hope you will find real happiness over there.” He turned to leave, there was nothing more to be said anyway.

 

“No, Zoro, I didn't mean it like that,” Sanji said hastily and grabbed Zoro's hand to make him stay, “I love you. I just need you to understand me... I am happy with you and you make me happy but I need to fulfill my dream and I need to do it now, not in a year, not in whenever. Don't get me wrong, please, I didn't mean it like that...”

 

“You said what you meant, Sanji. Go and be happy wherever you need to be.” That said, Zoro pulled his hand away and left.


	2. Chapter 2

Two days later he wasn’t so sure anymore if letting him go had been the right decision. Not for the part of their relationship, not for himself but for Sanji’s well-being. That idiot could be anywhere with no money and a dead cellphone and he might as well be lying in some dirty corner shot dead. It wouldn’t be the first time that Zoro had to pick him up from the hospital because he had let some drug addict provoke him (at this they were both the same). Except that Sanji could be anywhere now, he could be in France already or still in Japan, he could be homeless, injured or dead anywhere by now and Zoro wouldn’t even know.

****

The waiting and guessing was driving him mad. He’d spent hours in the gym to keep his mind from thinking, he would ignore any phone calls and emails (especially from their friends and Sanji’s father) and just pretend that he wasn’t there anymore. He didn’t feel capable of dealing with their concern or sympathy and definitely not with Zeff’s temper. All he wanted was to swallow the anger and pain and sadness and force himself to live a life on his own.

****

It worked for another day but on the evening of the fourth day, he couldn’t run away anymore.

****

He had just finished a quick shower after a whole day of training in the gym when someone slammed on his door like a lunatic. For a minute he was dead set on letting whoever it was knock and get himself another can of beer, he really was in no mood to be around other people. Being in this apartment was painful as it was and he didn’t need anyone making it even worse for him. Couldn’t they just leave him alone? He was able to care for himself even in a time like this and he didn’t need anyone’s sympathy!

****

To his misfortune, the knocking didn’t subside and was even supported by a too familiar voice shouting for him to finally open _the goddamn door_. As much as he didn’t want to open that god forsaken door, he knew that the old geezer was pretty aware that he was home all along and that he, Zoro, couldn’t run from him forever. There were too many promises bonding Zoro to Zeff and to too many responsibilities that he, damn his pride, wouldn’t ever even so much as think about breaking.

****

With a blank expression on his features, Zoro moved to unlock the door and let Zeff in before the neighbor would throw a fit. The old cook rushed into the tiny hall of their apartment without a gesture of greeting, he didn’t even bother to get out of his coat and shoe. It reminded Zoro of the many times when Luffy and Usopp had been over for dinner and Luffy would forget about taking off his shoes in all his eagerness for meat. Sanji would kick him right back into the hall while holding a lecture of how important it was to stick to certain etiquettes in someone else’s home. The memory caused a weird pain in his chest and he stayed put for a moment, took a few deep breaths to calm down and will those thoughts away before he followed Zeff into the kitchen.

****

“I guess you have no idea where the hell that brat is, am I right?” Zeff stood by the sliding glass doors leading to the balcony, looking out into the winter night. Despite his choice of words, his voice was soft and slightly thin; he sounded as old and exhausted as he looked. People said many things about the chef of the Baratie, the old man had many names and many stories and even the people close to him couldn’t even tell truth from lies for sure but there was one thing that everyone was convinced about. Even though towards Sanji, he acted as if he couldn’t care less about him, everyone safe from Sanji knew that the old cook cared more about his adopted son than his own life.

****

Hence Zoro had had to agree upon a handful of promises, all set up by Zeff. Whenever Zoro and Sanji had taken their friendship up to the next level, from occasionally hanging out to sleepovers to dating to getting together and eventually to moving into an apartment together, Zoro was forced to ask Zeff for permission first and promise the old man to always take care and protect his son in every possible way. It was unfair, Zoro thought, it was no secret that sticking to promises was his _flaw_.

****

“Hey! Are you deaf! Answer me!” The old man’s voice pulled Zoro back into reality and he immediately felt embarrassed to let his thoughts carry him away again. He harrumphed and looked up to meet the old man’s red eyes, tired from sleepless nights, he guessed.

****

“If I had, I wouldn’t be here anymore. I don’t know any more than everyone does,” Zoro replied, he held Zeff’s glare for a while  before walking over to the fridge to grab a beer. Fact was, he had let Sanji go even though he had promised not to and he now had to take the consequences. It didn’t matter, it couldn’t get that much worse anyway.

****

Zeff grumbled into his beard and turned back around towards the window, “Looks like him. I bet he left without any noise. That freaking brat! You’d think he finally grew up, you’d think he was finally sane but then he kicks your hopes with his feet!”

****

Sitting down at the kitchen table, Zoro opened his can of beer and took a few sips, allowing silence to settle in between them. Zeff calmed down pretty quickly and so they sat in this special place that had lost its shine since Sanji had left. With no one there to cook in here, there was no one to clean it and Zoro basically lived off takeaway which cartons piled up in a corner of the living-room. They were all silent signs, the alcohol, the chaos and the isolation he was putting himself into that proved how much the sudden breakup affected him.

****

After an hour of silence and about five cans of beer later, Zoro felt like talking. Since that day, he hadn’t once repeated their conversation in his head or recited it in front of someone else and he suddenly felt close to bursting it out. It didn’t matter that Zeff was clearly the worst person to vent to.

****

“He... he was gone when I woke up. It’s not the first time, he has been trying to run away so many times but I always got him back,” he blurted out, pulling Zeff’s attention on to him. It obviously looked like he was talkative due to the beer but Zoro was a good drinker, he never lost himself because of alcohol. This was his hurt, lonely self that was speaking, it was the side of him that Sanji had brought out to the surface. After all, it had been Sanji who had shown him that emotions weren’t for the weak, that admitting that you were sad or hurt by somebody’s actions was even manlier than swallowing it.

****

“I would catch him at the next corner and I would tell him that everything was fine and he would come home with me. I never failed... you know that I’ve never failed at caring for him. He’s as reckless as one can be but I’ve always protected him, I have never failed... but this time.” He brushed through his damp green hair down to the nape of his neck and fisted the messy strands there as if to keep his feelings at bay. “I got there on time, I swear I was there but I didn’t... I didn’t bring him back. Instead... I let him go.”

****

They were silent again for a bit until Zeff finally sighed, apparently convinced that Zoro was done venting. “I’ve never doubted that you wouldn’t be able to care for him. But that shitty brat can be very nasty and immature, he has his head in the clouds and tends to forget about what really matters,” Zeff spoke calmly, “When he first brought you home, I knew you would watch out for him. That’s why I’ve made you promise me so many times because I knew you would keep all of your promises. I needed someone like you for the brat.

****

“And before you say anything,” Zeff added quickly when Zoro attempted to speak up, “Whatever happened, I don’t believe it was your fault. You tried to bring him back but he was being an ungrateful bastard again. I know my son and he’s pretty good at losing people who care about him.”

****

That was true. Sanji was as good at making new friends as at losing them all over again. There were only a handful left of them but they were mostly Zoro’s friends as well. In all of those years he had been with the blonde idiot, he had watched him going through the aftermath of so many losses that somehow he wasn’t surprised how easily Sanji could leave them all behind. Either they would stick around or they would leave, the young cook was used to both.

****

“I haven’t even tried calling him yet,” Zoro admitted with a sigh, “I was so invested with coping with it all... I really have no idea where he could be.”

****

“Calling him is useless, we tried that a thousand times the past few days,” Zeff groaned, leaning back in his chair. “When Luffy burst into my kitchen to bring the news, they had already tried to call him several times. Apparently he sent them all a message that he was gone for good but me...”

****

“That’s the treatment we get for being close to him,” Zoro grimaced, the agony made his heart feel like it was on fire but by now he was quite used to the sensation. “Maybe we just have to wait till he sends his precious Nami a picture postcard from Paris.”

****

“Then I’ll be right over there ripping his head off!” Zeff growled, obviously as agitated over the idea as Zoro was.

****

~~

****

A week later, Zoro was a mental wreck. As much as he forced himself to keep a facade, he couldn’t hide from his mind. Mostly at night, memories as images flashed up before his mental eye, reminding him of everything that should have been but never would. Not to mention the simple, daily things that tore his heart open all over again. There were subscribed magazines that arrived, bills of stuff Sanji had purchased that needed to be paid, the damned funny notes that idiot had left on their blackboard on the fridge. Songs on the radio that either dealt with his misery or songs that brought back memories, either way they only led to him staying away from music as much as possible. He couldn’t even watch TV; either there were shows on that Sanji loved or shows Sanji would rant about, no matter what kind, he would be reminded of him.

****

A week and a half later and he had eventually given into the ghostly reminders of his ex-boyfriend. Contrary to the first week, he stayed at home all day and watched all their favorite movies over and over again. He drank the blonde’s favorite tea, ate his favorite pizza, played his favorite video games and listened to his favorite CDs. He did everything that would keep him from feeling too lonely, and from making him feel separated from Sanji, even though he acted like a teenage girl. No one was there to see him anyway, only Zeff called him every other day but he guessed that the old geezer was keeping everyone away from him. Particularly Usopp and Nami would treat him like a fawn that had lost its mother, they would force him to be happy and only talk about Sanji in hushed voices behind his back. It had already freaked him out when they had reacted to Vivi’s breakup with her last boyfriend like that, and no, he didn’t need that as well.

****

The worst part about his situation was that life didn’t pause for him. It didn’t give him time for recovery, it didn’t give him room to breathe and calm down. So two weeks later, he figured out that with one salary less, he wouldn’t be able to pay for the apartment, utilities and their car. In that moment, he realized that Sanji had not only left him, he had literally abandoned him. He was on his own now to fix the mess that idiot had made and left behind, without even the chance to call that jerk and let his anger out on him.

****

After fourteen days of switching between sulking, hurting, drinking and training, Zoro finally left his apartment. There were things he had to settle or he would end up on a cardboard box in an alley and he really had no intention of lowering his standards. Despite his own needs - if Sanji would ever come back, he wanted to be on the exact same spot where he had left him, even if that meant he had to endure the annoying neighborhood for the rest of his life. And there was nowhere he’d rather wanted to be except for at Sanji’s side. This apartment was his home, as dirty and tiny and below average as it was. As many memories that lived between those walls drowned him in his misery, he didn’t want to live anywhere else.

****

The cold but soft March wind swirled around him as he strolled through the rather lazy streets of his neighborhood. It was still early for a Saturday, only those who had to go to work and those who were already at work were out on the streets, accompanied by those who were on their way home from work. He was one of those who were on their way to work, or rather to see his boss. It was too early for the dojo to be opened but he knew Koshiro would be awake already to follow the daily routine of taking care of the temple. On some occasions he would help out, particularly on holidays or other events when the temple was full of visitors. Which was why he knew when his sensei was out and about cleaning the temple.

****

He wanted to talk to him before the first class would start so he could catch him alone and talk in private. Saturday’s classes were earlier than during the week as requested by most of their participants. Many of them wanted to have the afternoon off so their classes started around 10 in the morning while the last would end at 1pm. Zoro usually taught the junior classes and the mid-twenties, so his shifts were all afternoon and evening and he had off in the mornings that he could spend with Sanji who never started working before lunch. Weekends were when he had usually off but lately he had started to take over adult classes on Saturdays to earn more money for a new apartment.

****

When he finally arrived at the dojo, he already found a few adults waiting outside for their class to begin. They were part of the group that came thrice a week, and were mostly men. Strangely enough, among the juniors were a lot of young girls who were determined to learn kendo. Once a week Zoro would have a group full of twelve-year-old girls and they were by far his favorite class to teach. They were a lot more focused and concentrated, a lot more skilled than most of the young boys he trained as well. He loved his job, he loved teaching kids and young adults how to use a sword and this dojo was just the perfect place to do exactly that.

****

Zoro found Koshiro outside behind the main house, broom in his hands while deep in conversation with his daughter. Halting in his tracks, Zoro considered turning back around and coming back later, it would be rude to interrupt their conversation for his problems. However he had no time to wait, the classes would start any minute now and he didn’t want to come back later today; he couldn’t wait.

****

Stepping closer, he harrumphed to get their attention and greeted them respectfully. The smile on Koshiro’s features was gentle but worried, something Zoro wasn’t pleased about seeing. Before he could speak up though, something connected with the side of his head forcefully, making his head temporary ache. He turned to look to his side and found Kuina smirking at him, apparently ready to pick a fight.

****

“Are you done being lazy?” she teased, a triumphant grin on her lips when Zoro rubbed the spot on his head she had just hit with her fist. She was trying to act normal and casually and treat him as usual, he could tell and he was very grateful for it.

****

“Shut it,” Zoro grinned back at her before he turned to his sensei. “I wanted to ask if I could come back on Monday and maybe take over some other classes as well.”

****

Koshiro frowned, a little confused about Zoro’s sudden change of mind. He shook his head, “You can come back on Monday and work your usual hours but I can’t allow you to take over any more classes. I know you like working here but there isn’t any more work I can give to you.”

****

Sighing Zoro brushed through his hair, searching for an alternative option. “What about the temple? I can help cleaning in the mornings and guide the tourists...”

****

“You and guiding someone?” Kuina snorted in an amused manner, “We’d have more trouble finding lost tourists than being relieved of the work.”

****

For the first time after the breakup Zoro smiled widely. It hurt and it lasted only for a second but he was thankful for the effort his childhood friend had made to make him feel better. If there was anyone besides Sanji who knew him perfectly well then it was Kuina. She respected his pride and that he wasn’t the kind to seek comfort unlike his other friends thought he would.

****

“If you need money, you can find another job somewhere else but there’s nothing I can do for you, Zoro. I’d appreciate your support at the temple but I’m not able to pay you. And to be honest, you shouldn’t try to solve this by accepting more work,” Koshiro said firmly, still sounding worried nonetheless. “Take off another week and think this through. Talk to your friends, I’m sure they’re able to help you. Now excuse me.” The old swordsman reached out to touch Zoro’s shoulder, offered him an apologetic smile and disappeared inside the house.

****

“Did you try Zeff? I mean after all it’s his stupid son to ditch you like that,” Kuina pointed out as soon as her father was out of earshot. “Maybe he can at least get you some kind of job.”

****

The green-haired kendo teacher shook his head and grimaced, “But I’m on my way to him. Kinda grown sick of takeaway food.”

****

Kuina rolled her eyes with a chuckle and poked his head with her finger. “No surprise. The lady’s gone and your health goes down the drain. And you’re too stubborn to come over and eat with us. I really gotta kick the shitty cook’s ass once he’s back.”

****

“Don’t, he might not be able to deal with it,” Zoro smiled weakly, partially out of love. Of course he wanted Sanji to somehow pay for what he had done to them all by running away but he still loved him and he knew somehow that Sanji had his reasons for his actions and those Zoro wanted to respect. But he would never admit that to anyone. “You know, he and the girls... hit him once and he will never stop making up for his mistake. And believe me, you don’t want that.”

****

“I know,” she chuckled softly, glad to see her friend recovering already. When he had come to work the day after, she had been seriously concerned about him, for the first time in over ten years. She knew that he was strong and very well able to care for himself, and that he wasn’t the type to give up on life, not for anything. This was just Zoro, physically and mentally strong for two and she had never been worried about him; she had faith in him. And it was just how things were; count on Zoro for being that one person to hold onto when your ship’s going down. But seeing him tired and exhausted, pale and so emotionless had really made her worry about him. So to see him smile at least a little and joke around was giving her hope that everything was going to be fine in the end.

****

~~

****

Later that day, Zoro was sitting in his favorite spot in the Baratie, one hand on his filled belly and his cheeks still stuffed with the last bites of meat. The moment he had entered the restaurant, Zeff had literally launched at him and pulled him to a table, ranting under his breath about being stubborn. He had no mind to put a stop to this; for one he was hungry and craving real food, what was worse though was that he was starting to feel lonely. And Zeff’s company was acceptable, comfortable and even slightly reassuring, so it was only natural for him to let the old geezer force him through five courses of meal without a break.

****

It was strange to sit here, all alone, with so much food but no Luffy to share it with, no Sanji who would kick him in the head for stealing away Zoro’s food. There was simply no one to accompany him, though as much as his brain was realizing this fact, he couldn’t connect any feelings to it. He had been alone for weeks now, his mood altering with the week’s changing and by now someone else’s company seemed not as pleasing as being alone. Maybe he just had to make a step into that direction, meet up with his friends to remember what it felt like to have a better company than loneliness, beer and sad memories. The positive part about latter companions though was that they were no humans and it didn’t matter if he gave into the pain and sadness; there was no one who he could embarrass himself in front of.

****

Suddenly a loud clank made Zoro jump and fall out of his state of trance, his eyes roaming over to the cause of the noise. There was a balled fist next to the empty plates that probably had been slammed onto the table, making the plates and cutlery hit together noisily. His eyes wandered up along the white-clothed arm to meet with the chef’s furious eyes, he’d most likely tried to get a response from Zoro but said one had been lost in thoughts again, something Sanji had always gotten furious over.

****

“Dammit, boy! Get your shit together!” Zeff spat through gritted teeth, he was trying to keep his voice low to not attract any attention or horrify his diners and leave a bad impression. He sat down on the chair opposite of the slightly embarrassed Zoro and sighed heavily with his eyes fixed on the younger man. “You’ve been spacing out all the time and I hate to see my food getting cold, so tell me what the hell is going on.”

****

Father like son, Zoro thought and was just able to swallow a sad smile. He sighed deeply, took a sip of his water and turned to watch the people passing by on the other side of the large window. “I’m not able to pay next month’s rent. Or the one after that. Or ever again.”

****

Zeff leaned back in his seat, muttering into his beard, “Damn brat.” They stared out of the window for a minute, each of them caught in their own train of thoughts.

****

“There’re a few things that arrived during the week, some books and magazines and a few shelves... I can manage to pay those bills but that’s about it. I asked Koshiro for more hours but he declined...,” Zoro went on after a while and a few gulps of water. “I have no idea what to do. I don’t want to give up on the apartment either. I mean, what if he comes back in a month or so and finds someone else in his home? I don’t want that to happen.”

****

“I wonder if he knows what he gave up on,” Zeff smiled sadly at Zoro before his facial expression turned into a frown, “And as much as I understand you, it’s not your job to clean up after him. He left you without even thinking once what it meant for you. Just imagine you wouldn’t have found him in time, he would’ve left you without a single word.”

****

The truth of his words cut deep, it was that truth behind it all that Zoro had tried to ignore. In his impression of the situation, it only mattered that he had been there in time and that they had talked and that Sanji had his reasons to leave so spontaneously. Even though somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that the idiot had probably acted narcissistically without once thinking about the consequences for Zoro. It was true, there was nothing that could defend or justify the intentions of Sanji’s actions but still Zoro told himself that his boyfriend had only been seeking happiness and done whatever necessary to find it.

****

“Obviously, I can’t give you a job,” the old chef spoke up, “But I know someone who might do. It’s nothing big, just loading boxes off a ship in the early mornings, they always need helping hands. That should at least cover up the rent. And about that other stuff, leave that to me.”

****

“No, it’s fine, I can manage. I have some money saved up, I’ll just use that,” Zoro shook his head, declining the offer, “But the job would be fine. I start my lessons in the afternoon anyway so that would work.”

****

“That wasn’t an offer, boy,” Zeff groaned, he was growing more and more displeased about the young man’s stubbornness, “I know you’re a proud man and I understand that better than the most but there’re times when even you need the help of others.” His eyes examined the face of the man across from him, tired of and on the verge of giving up on fighting for something that would most likely never come back to him. All strength to hope was visibly fading in his eyes, leaving nothing more than a broken man, left behind with nothing but a mess of his life.

****

With a sigh, Zeff got up from his seat to go back into the kitchen but halted in his tracks for a quick moment and rested his hand on Zoro’s shoulder, “Go out and meet with someone. You need some company, Zoro. And I need someone to keep Luffy busy.”

****

It made the green-haired man chuckle, “I’ll try my best. Guess it was stupid from Sanji to have him eat here for free.”

****

Zeff rolled his eyes and huffed angrily, “That brat needs to learn some manners.” He shook his head and said his final words before he left, “And you’re going to eat here every day. If not, I’ll find you and kick you all the way back here. Don’t make me kick my diners.”

****

~~

****

For the rest of the afternoon, Zoro felt light-hearted for the first time in weeks. He’d spent another piece of cake and another two cups of coffee, chatted with some of the other cooks and waiters whom he’d known for years now, and left before they could force him through the daily dinner menu. It was already getting dark outside when he left the Baratie and stepped into the bustling streets, immediately hit by a cold hard February wind. He pulled his coat tighter around his body and fought his way through the crowds of people on the sidewalks. It was this time of day he hated to be outside his home because everyone seemed to be outdoors, blocking his way and carelessly bumping into him and getting to your destination took twice as long as at any other time of the day. In that moment it only added up to his mood, he felt his spirits dropping with each step he took and each shoulder that hit his. Couples and friends walked past him, kissing and laughing and most of all ignoring him; it made him feel even lonelier.

****

So by the time he reached home, he was so fed up with being alone that he did what Zeff had told him and called Luffy. He wasn’t in the mood to go and hang out in their favorite bar but he wanted his company, he was in dear need of someone to break through his isolation. And apparently, Luffy had only been waiting for him to call because as soon as the airhead had picked up and Zoro had started to explain himself, the line went dead and Zoro could only guess that Luffy was already out the door.

****

After ending the phone call, Zoro decided to open all the deliveries that had arrived earlier that day. There was a huge cardboard box and several little ones that he guessed contained only books. Sanji had always spent a lot of money on books, mostly about culinary stuff that he’d only read when needed so almost all of them stood in their bookcases, attracting dust. It had never bothered Zoro, like any other hobby or obsession Sanji had tried out but grown bored of within a week. Actually, some of them were so ridiculous and Zoro had known from the beginning, from the first mention of it leaving Sanji’s lips that the blonde wouldn’t pull it through. There was this photography thing of which he had become annoyed after two days, then the pottery that Sanji had given up on after only three attempts that in Zoro’s opinion were magnificent but many things Sanji created or did weren’t good enough for the young cook.

****

Smiling Zoro took one of the beautifully decorated pots out of the book shelf after filling in the gaps with new books. With his thumb he traced along the gentle ornamental curves in the middle of the pot, going around seamlessly, he had even painted it in harmonic colors making it look like some 17th century French vase. Anything French had been Sanji’s favorite anything, they had always had to compromise between French and traditional Japanese interior decorations. That made literally everything in this apartment remind him of what they used to have and what he had lost.

****

He placed the pot back onto the shelf and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand; all those reminders of Sanji and their life together had made him so weak. It seemed as if this wound would never heal, he would never be able to move on and forgive, he would never be able to be happy again, definitely not in another relationship. No matter how much truth those thoughts contained, he tried not to bring them up. And so he breathed in deeply, held his breath for a second and released it again, those negative thoughts along with it.

****

The cracking of the floor caught him off-guard and made his heart stop beating. For a second, he really thought, he really imagined that it was Sanji, he really hoped it was him but the realization sank in pretty quickly and made his heart ache all over again. Of course, he had left the door open for Luffy and of course, his foolish heart had forgotten it for a moment. His heart felt heavier than ever since that night of the breakup.

****

“Hey... the door was open so I just came in... I’m sorry, should’ve knocked,” Luffy burst out bluntly, rubbing the back of his head.

****

Zoro turned around to face his best friend and offered him a small smile, “Don’t worry, I left it open for you.” Luffy cocked his head with a disbelieving frown on his face, the one Zoro was more than familiar with. “I’m fine, really. Have you... have you locked the door?” Hastily he turned away and wiped his eyes again, he was on the verge of tears that he didn’t want to cry, not now, not in ever.

****

“Yes, I have...,” Luffy replied, still frowning at his friend. It made no sense to him that Zoro could so obviously lie to him, they were best friends and had been through times like these before. It wasn’t new to him to see the other man at his limits. He sighed heavily and walked around the other man to look at him closely. Just like he had imagined it from Zeff’s words; Zoro looked terrible. “Do you even sleep? You look like shit.”

****

“Thanks,” Zoro chuckled at him, having missed those compliments. “Want a beer?” he offered and made his way into the kitchen, followed by Luffy who gladly accepted the offer, “You’re lucky, I’ve bought some on my way home today.”

****

“Yeah, Zeff told me about your little drinking problem. We all worried about you,” Luffy spoke as he leaned against the counter next to Zoro, “We’ve expected anything, actually, but not to have you disappearing for two weeks without any word.”

****

“I know... I’m sorry.” He handed Luffy the can of beer and leaned against the counter right next to him, “It just sorta happened. I’ve never expected myself to react like this too. But I’ve never expected him to leave for real either.”

****

“None of us has. It’s still hard to get used to,” Luffy nodded, taking a sip from his beer, “There’s like this huge gap and no one knows how to deal with it.” After another big gulp from the can, he chuckled, “Nami left him a voice mail. She yelled at him and called him names and told him that he was the worst man on Earth for running away without a proper goodbye. If he’s ever going to hear it, he’ll be right back.”

****

“Right back on his knees and at her service,” Zoro agreed with a sad smile, “Sometimes I wonder if he liked her more than me. But I guess we’ll find that out sooner or later... I’m expecting him to send her a letter.”

****

“She’ll punch his face. I know she’s mad at him for what he’s done to you, more than anything. She might’ve never said it but she kinda had a thing for your relationship. Heard her gush and giggle about it with Vivi so many times at college,” Luffy chuckled.

****

“Who would’ve guessed,” Zoro chuckled as well, imagining Nami and Vivi blushing and giggling somewhere in the distance while they watched Sanji and him kissing. The thought about him and Sanji kissing burned itself into his head, triggering the memory of the feeling of their lips brushing together to take hold of him and darken his mood.

****

Luffy noticed how Zoro’s expression turned from amused to sad, his gaze lowering and his shoulders dropping. Smiling gently, he bumped Zoro’s shoulder and walked over to the door, some good video games would fix his mood again for sure. “Come on, let’s kick some asses.”


	3. Chapter 3

The sun was shining brightly down on him as he stood on the sidewalk of his hotel. His gaze went up to the sign above the entrance, it showed the name of the hotel in huge italic words of a golden color blending perfectly into the architecture of the building. It was prettier than he had ever imagined in his dreams, prettier than any photo he had seen. He sighed in contentment, picked up his belongings and with the thoughts that the long travel had definitely paid off, entered the hotel.

****

As expected, the interior was as magnificent as the exterior. There were arched doors and round pillars, marble and old wood, and gold everywhere. The ceiling was painted in golden ornaments, highlighted with huge crystal chandeliers hanging down and casting the entrance hall in warm, almost nostalgic light. This was it, he thought, this was the place he had been longing to once see with his own eyes since elementary school. And he was finally here, he had finally taken this step towards his biggest dream.

****

On his way here, during the flight and the long train ride from Paris to this town in the South, he had practiced his language skills some more just to be sure and prepared when he’d arrive at his hotel. In the past few months, he had been taking online classes to improve the little bit of French he’d already learned in school, it wasn’t much but enough to built upon.

****

Behind the reception desk was an attractive young man, around the same age as himself, with black, neatly combed hair, dark brown eyes and tanned skin, immediately drawing his attention. With a smirk on his lips, a brush through his blonde hair, he approached the counter, set down his suitcases and leaned his arms on the wooden surface. The man smiled at him friendly, his eyes glistening in the light from the chandelier above them and if that wasn’t already enough, the voice when he spoke was pure gold. “Bienvenue, monsieur!” he greeted him, and continued in fast spoken French until he noticed the confused expression on the visitor’s face, “Er, excusez-moi, monsieur, do you speak English?”

****

Blushing he brushed a strand of blonde hair behind his ear and nodded, “I’m sorry, my French needs improvement.” Luckily his English was great, he had always been quite well at all language related classes in high school, and thanks to that, his French wasn’t bad, just his understanding in conversations needed improvement.

****

“That is okay, monsieur, many of our guests don’t speak French that well,” the desk clerk assured him in perfect English, smiling warmly, “So, I assume you have a reservation at our hotel?”

****

“I do, the name is Sanji Blackleg,” the blonde replied with a broad smile. His runoff to France hadn’t been a spontaneous act as much it had seemed to everyone else, he had planned this time better and longer than the other times before.

****

The handsome man looked his name up on the list, shot him a smile and left to retrieve his keycards and everything else he would need. “Your room’s on the third floor, west wing, number 312. You can take the elevator over there,” -he pointed towards the closest one-, “Turn left and just follow the corridor, your room should be at the end of it.” He gave him the keycards, then disappeared behind the counter for a second before reappearing again with what seemed to be a traveller’s guide. “This should help you. And for any information on the hotel exclusive activities, there’s a guide in your room. If you need anything, whatever it may be, don’t hesitate to call the reception desk.”

****

“You bet I will,” the blonde man smiled flirtatiously and stored everything into his bag. When he looked back up, his gaze met with the desk clerk’s, they blushed and smiled nervously before looking away again. There was indeed something, and it was nothing one-sided. “Thanks for your help, I’ll see you around, I guess.”

****

~~

****

About fifteen minutes later Sanji found himself in a medium-sized hotel room. It was as old-fashioned but beautiful and luxurious decorated as the rest of the hotel building, with marble in the bathroom and golden faucets and flower patterns painted on the ceiling. Better than he had imagined, and definitely worth all the money he had saved up for this. It was worth all the courage it had taken him to take this final step, worth all the trouble of hiding his preparations from everyone back home, worth all the doubts that this plan was stupid after all that he had successfully ignored. And so, he found himself standing in front of the huge, pompously framed mirror in the bathroom looking back at his smiling reflection and couldn’t remember the last time he had been happier in his life.

****

But as happy and proud as he felt, he couldn’t hide the regrets that kept on floating up to the surface. Until now, he had been telling himself almost successfully that he had to take this step and that in the end, everyone would be happier with this solution and its future results. Maybe that was true after all, though so far he wasn’t quite sure about it. The longer he stared at himself, the more aware he grew of the fact that he was all alone now. No one to share his excitement with, no one to enjoy the fun of exploring a foreign city. No one to fall asleep with, no one to wake up next to.

****

The smile on his lips faded instantly at the memory of his now ex-boyfriend and their last encounter. He had almost left him without another word if it hadn’t been for that fool running after him. It could’ve worked out the way Sanji had planned it all along; he would have left without looking back and arrived here without a care in the world but to achieve his goal. But thanks to Zoro, he hated himself for the things he had said.

****

On his way here, the scene had played in his head over and over again and each time he had felt guiltier and worse than before. He regretted how they had parted, he wished he could turn back time and take back what he had said but he had never been blessed with luck. Which was why he was now in the country he had wanted to live in since he was a little boy and his one true love was on the other side of the globe. Probably heartbroken and thinking it was his fault.

****

And it would be stupid to call him. Or anyone back home at all. They would want to know where he was and would talk him into coming back immediately. But he had gotten so far, he had made it, he was finally where he wanted to be and he had no mind to change that in the near future. As harsh and as painful as it was to be separated from them and be alone in this, he had decided to make this sacrifice and he was okay with the consequences. And maybe one day, when he was living his dream, he could go back to them.

****

But would Zoro wait for him? The idea that his boyfriend would be happy with someone else made his stomach churn painfully. He really loved Zoro, he really loved that man like no one else, and if he was sure about one thing in his life than that he was his true love.

****

Still he had left him behind like an unwanted toy. And with flying off to France, he had also ended their perfect relationship. The damage he had done to their trust was irreparable.

****

He brushed his fingers through his long blonde bangs and tried to soothe himself. Freaking out about it now wouldn’t help anyone and now that he was here, he should make good use of the chance he was given. It would only make things worse in the end if he’d fly back home already without having tried to fulfill his dreams. He would only embarrass himself if he left already and gave up on his wish. He at least had to try.

****

~~

****

The following two days were hell. His sleeping schedule was messed up and his appetite gone, Sanji didn’t feel like moving out of his bed at all. He had spent some time on his laptop, doing some research on this town and possible bakeries at which he could apply for an internship. It had been hard to avoid every social network he was a member of, it burned in the tips of his fingers to talk to someone but he knew he shouldn’t. He’d decided to go through this alone and so he would.

****

After a while he had adjusted to his new home and decided to take a stroll through the town. He dressed in one of his casual suits, black dress pants to a matching black jacket and a white dress shirt, a black tie on top of it. His bangs were combed to the other side, he left some stubbles on his chin and above his lip untouched - a new beginning requested a new look.

****

As he was standing in front of the mirror, looking himself over one last time, he thought about Zoro and if he’d like the change. That moron would just smile and tell him that he’d always look good; Zoro never voiced a real opinion in that matter. And it was probably even true, that damn marimo had never lied to him about anything.

****

Sanji shook his head and willed those thoughts away. The past days he had been thinking about him every single minute and it had only made him regret his decision more. But it couldn’t be helped, now that he was finally here, he couldn’t give up what he had been working for so long. He’d just need some kind of distraction, be it some sightseeing, a job or a date with that attractive concierge. Maybe he’d settle on that.

****

About an hour later he found himself in a park in the town’s heart. It was still very cold, he was glad to have taken his coat along but with the sun shining so brightly, he couldn’t complain. There weren’t many people around since it was still early in the morning. Some people taking a jog, others were walking their dogs, just few teenagers sitting on benches chatting and eating. It was like one of those pictures in his study books and now he was finally a part of that world, that realization put another smile onto his face.

****

He spent the day walking around and trying to find the few places he had looked up on the Internet so he could take a first look at his potential new workplace. Two of those places were schools, so he couldn’t really take a look around but he got some information from the front desk lady of the patisserie school on how to apply and even an appointment for a tour around the building. Luckily for him the lady was kind and spoke slowly for him, avoiding any dialect or slang to make it easier for him to understand. It really surprised him how friendly and supportive the people around here were, it was almost idyllic.

****

On his way out, he passed by a group of female students, they were sitting around a table eating what looked like cupcakes. Their eyes were glued to his every move, he made sure to slow his steps down and give them enough time to examine his body. In case he would get accepted to this school, he’d better leave a good impression. When he winked at one of them, he could hear a loud gasp and some giggling even though there was a few feet distance between them. One of them waved back at him with a beautiful smile adorning her full red lips and he stopped in his tracks, tempted to walk over there for some flirting. Well, why the fuck not.

****

Putting on his best smile, Sanji approached the table in his familiar confident way and had to chuckle when the girls except for one grabbed their bags and hurried away. It wasn’t new for him to see them react this way; back in school many girls would only dare to look at him from a distance but run away when he got too close. His friends had always joked that any girl who dreamt about him became too nervous once they met him in reality that they would run away.

****

She was a beauty. Long brown hair falling down her shoulders, dark brown eyes framed in decent colors, full red lips and a body he’d only seen in magazines so far. The tight black dress she was wearing accented her curves even more and Sanji wondered how big chances were to meet a lady like her at first try. Her attractiveness lulled him in completely, his mind was blown away so much that the small voice trying to remind him of his old love sounded far off.

****

Their eyes met when he had finally reached her, she seemed so confident and full of herself that it made him a little bit nervous. He hadn’t been flirting with a girl in years, save from those that he called his friends. And he’d never flirted with one in a different language other than his mother tongue. What if he screwed this up?

****

“Quelle beauté captivante! _What ravishing beauty!_ ” He smiled and bowed down a little to the sitting woman, reaching for her hand to plant a kiss to its back. A light blush settled onto her cheeks and her lips curled into a nervous but cute smile but she didn’t pull away.

****

“Merci, monsieur,” she replied quietly, obviously shier than he had thought. Her gaze wandered off to her friends hiding somewhere behind a large tree, causing her to blush even more. “Excusez mes amies, elles sont très farouche. _Excuse my friends, they’re very shy._ ”

****

“Mais non, c’est pas un problem. C’est rien de nouveau pour moi. _No problem, that’s nothing new for me._ ” He smiled reassuringly, though mumbling the last part. He didn’t want to appear too self-aware, although it was the truth.

****

“C’est pas une surprise, monsieur. Vous, ah... vous étes très différent par les autres hommes ici. _That’s no surprise, sir. You, ah... you’re a lot different from the other men here._ ” She clapped her hand over her mouth as if she’d said something she felt embarrassed for. “Excusez-moi...”

****

Looking around Sanji understood quite well what she meant. There was not even a single male student he would want to date himself, they all pretty much looked below standard and boring. He shook his head when an image of Zoro appeared before his mental eye; they all looked like cockroaches compared to him.

****

“Monsieur, excusez-moi, mais... votre accent est très insolite. Vous venez d’où? _Your accent is very unusual. Where are you from?_ ” Her voice turned his attention back to her, she had her head tilted slightly and was looking right into his eyes.

****

“Je suis Japonais. _I’m Japanese._ ” Sanji replied, chuckling when the girl’s eyes widened. “Je sais, je ne dessine pas très japonaise. Mais j’espère tu excuse mon français. _I know, I don’t look pretty Japanese. But I hope you excuse my French._ ”

****

She nodded with a wide smile and rose to her feet, never losing eye contact. “Eh bien... j’espère que nous nous reverrons. Peut-être... dans deux heures? _Well, I hope we’ll meet again. Maybe... in two hours?_ ”

****

“J’essaie d’y être. _I’ll try to be there._ ” Sanji smiled and took her hand in his again to give her a goodbye kiss. “Peut-être tu voudrais me dire ton nom? _Maybe you would like to tell me your name?_ ”

****

“C’est Adrienne, et vous?” She pulled her hand back and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear but the smile never left her lips.

****

“Sanji.” The second he said his name, the school’s bell rang and Adrienne turned around hectically to grab her bag. She pecked his cheek and whispered an ‘au revoir’ before hurrying off into the crowd of students forcing their way back into the building. Oh, he would be there.

****

Later that day he was sitting in a little café not far from the campus grounds watching the beautiful French girl drinking coffee. She had already been waiting for him when he’d arrived and greeted him with another kiss on the cheek. They’d been talking about her classes on their way to the café, she was about his age and studying to become a pâtissier, much to her parents’ displeasure. By the time they had reached the place, Sanji had a pretty good impression of her.

****

When they weren’t talking, they were smiling at each other for minutes. During their date, their faces came closer and closer until a kiss was inevitable. He tried to be a gentleman as much as possible but didn’t thwart her when the innocent peck turned into a romantic kiss. Not even when they ended up in his hotel room, making out, did he stop her. There was something inside of him that made him feel unwell about it but he forced that feeling away as best as he could. He needed someone close, he was missing the warmth and caress of someone else and if she was offering him that, he couldn’t say no.

****

~~

****

After a week and a half Sanji had gotten used to his new environment. His language skills had improved as well, thanks to Adrienne who helped him out whenever he needed it. They weren’t exactly dating, their little get-together had been a one time thing though Sanji couldn’t stop flirting with her; there was some sort of chemistry between them. They met almost every day for a cup of coffee and some of her self-made cupcakes and planned out his next moves in order to settle down.

****

Adrienne worked in a little old-fashioned bakery on the other side of the town as part of her education. So she offered to try and get him a job there since -as he had only figured out the day before- he needed one in order to get accepted at the pâtisserie school. He should’ve figured that out all along but yet, his move from Japan to France had been a little spontaneous after all. But he was sure that it all wouldn’t matter anymore once he got accepted, and he was pretty confident that it would work out just fine.

****

Just like everything else so far. It was too good to be true and too much like his dreams in order to be real, that he was already in the process of settling down here and had even found a partner. The most beautiful woman, to be exact, and he couldn’t imagine his life here any better.

****

Most of the time his thoughts revolved around Adrienne, finding a job and an apartment and he was quite comfortable with it. The beautiful brunette was a perfect distraction from the inner chaos of feelings he usually went through at night. Though everything seemed to work out just fine, he couldn’t fight the memories coming back to him whenever he closed his eyes. That voice when he crawled into bed every night, it kept reminding him of all the people he had left behind, the life he had left behind and no matter how wonderful everything around him was currently, he couldn’t say that he was really happy.

****

He loved the people, he loved the atmosphere, he loved basically everything around here, and his body and mind had settled down already, accepted the new world as the new home. Still, his heart felt differently. And every night that he woke up from another one of those dreams about Zoro and their last conversation, he realized that he didn’t belong here. But he wanted to belong here and he would eventually, he figured he would just need some time. A daily routine, his own place and some friends, and he would feel at home just like he had had in Japan.

****

But nothing worked out as expected. In the following weeks, Adrienne was busy with studying for school and Sanji was left alone with his weak French and his tiny knowledge of the bureaucracy of France. Two of his applications had been turned down already and the remaining five didn’t promise any better response. He’d even tried to get some casual job at the market to earn some money and move out of the hotel finally but with his accent and small vocabulary, he wasn’t suited for direct contact with the customers. Not one single attempt was a success, making every next step of his even more difficult.

****

All these fruitless attempts were exhausting him, he was running out of ideas and plans as well as money. The hotel room was quite expensive just as eating out every day and insisting to pay whenever he was meeting up with Adrienne. He was only here for four weeks and already on the verge of giving up and going back. His money would last for another week plus the flight back home, so he decided on giving his dream one last chance before returning home.

****

The next time he met with Adrienne, he couldn’t help but confide in her. Their friendship had become quite deep within the past few weeks, she had entrusted him with a lot of personal information that made him give her some of that trust back. Confessing everything, that he was bisexual, had left all his friends without a real goodbye and how scared and worried he was about his future and going back home. Until he reached the part of his story where he had been waking up at night to the feeling of homesickness. It was hard to keep his emotions at bay, he didn’t want to break out crying in front of a lady, even if she was the only friend he had left.

****

She stayed with him for the rest of the day, going through possible plans that would get him a job. Or at least some other foundation on which he could build up a new life. They parted empty-handed, with heavy hearts and the sad truth dawning on them that Sanji’s flight back home was inevitable.

****

On the day of his return home, Adrienne came to the airport to see him off, her eyes bloodshot and her face pale from a sleepless night. They hugged and kissed, assuring each other they would stay in touch nonetheless, and let go of each other in reluctance when Sanji’s flight was announced. When he finally entered the plane, he couldn’t fight the tears anymore. Again, he was leaving to seek happiness and left someone else behind.

****

~~

****

As lucky as Sanji was, he ended up stranded in Tokyo. It wasn’t that much of a deal; his hometown was only a three-hour car ride down South, the only thing he hated about this inconvenience was that he had to call someone to pick him up. He had spent the last money on the flight and had planned on taking the train for the rest of his journey home but he had probably miscalculated his finances and was now left with just enough money to buy a cup of coffee.

****

With said cup and his suitcases, he sat down on a small wall outside surrounding a grass area, overthinking his situation. He went through the list of people he could call, beginning with his ex-boyfriend and ending with him, everyone else would either strangle him through the phone or had no license or no car. There was no other way but to call Zoro, he needed to go back home or he would go insane.

****

After a cigarette and half an hour of considering his plan, Sanji called him. His hands were trembling and his palms sweating and he felt his courage leaving him like a ghost extracting itself from a dead body. What was he supposed to say anyway? ‘Hey, babe, I’m back, can you pick me up?’ Before he could come up with something though, a grumpy voice sounded from the other end of the line.

****

“H-hey, Zoro... it’s me...” For a moment Sanji thought the other man had hung up on him already but he decided to give him some time to calm down. Since he had called their landline phone, Zoro hadn’t been able to know who was calling beforehand. When he still didn’t talk after two minutes, Sanji continued, “I... I know this is probably the most rude thing ever but I... I need your help. I-I’m in Tokyo and need to get home but-”

****

“Are you in hospital?” Zoro’s voice was rough from sleep still but it couldn’t cover up that he seemed to be alarmed by the thought.

****

“No, I’m fine. Listen, I jus-”

****

“Arrested?”

****

“No! I’m good, all I need is someone to pick me up. Could yo-”

****

“I’m not a fucking cab company!” Zoro growled and the line went dead.

****

Sanji stared at his phone in shock. At least Zoro had talked to him and he had asked about his well-being, that was more than Sanji had expected. Though it didn’t help him now, he still needed to find a way to get back home. Everything else would be solved then.

****

Endless minutes later, he was still clueless about what to do. His pack of cigarettes was down to two and he had no money for a new pack, which even if he had wouldn’t help him at all. This was probably karma or some of that shit, he was definitely paying for what he had done to others. And it would surely not be the end of it. If he’d ever find enough courage to call someone else, he would have to face them as well, not to mention the disaster he had created of his own life. All he could do was hoping that Zoro would start to worry at some point and pick him up nonetheless.

****

And if all that wasn’t enough already, it started to rain cats and dogs. Collecting all his belongings, he set to walk back to the airport and tried to act like some passenger waiting for his flight, instead he would just wait for a miracle. With a freshly lit cigarette between his lips, he couldn’t go back in and not wanting to waste it away, he settled under the roof near the entrance in a little smoking area. His gaze was lowered, mind far off thinking about what to do over and over again, he was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice someone approaching him.

****

“Sanji?” A soft feminine voice kicked him out of his train of thoughts and he gazed up into the face of a raven-haired woman, her arms folded under her breasts and her head tilted a little in disbelief.

****

“Robin... oh, God, it’s so good to see you!” Sanji exclaimed and straightened up to hug her. She leaned into him, although not hugging back but her familiar scent was enough for him to feel relief rushing over him.

****

They pulled apart pretty quickly and Robin’s surprised expression turned into a soft frown, her hand clenched around the bunch of keys she was holding, “I thought you were in France. What brings you back?”

****

Sighing heavily, Sanji rubbed the back of his neck; he had dreaded this question. “It didn’t work out the way I wanted and well... was running out of money so I came back before I couldn’t anymore. And I guess I got a little homesick, too.”

****

The frown turned into a smug smirk, almost as if she had wanted to hear exactly that. “And that’s why you’re here and not already at home?”

****

“Yes, kinda misjudged my whole situation and so it happens that I have no money left to buy anything. I asked Zoro to pick me up but he said he was no cab company and hung up. Guess I should’ve seen that coming...” He dropped his shoulders in defeat, he felt horrible for even asking his ex-lover to make such efforts.

****

“You should. He’s been through a lot the past weeks thanks to you. You were lucky he heard you out at all.” Robin frowned, just thinking back to the last time she had seen Zoro made her want to give Sanji what he deserved. But he was her friend no matter what, and she knew she would get into trouble with Zoro if she didn’t help him out of it now. The swordsman simply cared too much, regardless of the person’s actions. “Well, I’ve just dropped Franky off, there’ll be no one at home now anyway so I could drive you home if you want.”

****

Sanji’s head shot up, “Are you sure? I’ll pay you back as soon as I can or cook for you or whatever you want!”

****

“No need to,” she smirked, turned around and gestured him to follow, “It’s an honor to give you a free ride to hell.”

****

~~

****

The ride back home was surprisingly comfortable. Although Robin didn’t keep it secret how mad at him she was, she still wanted to know what had happened and what he was planning on doing now. They spent most of the ride talking, even planning some things in case Sanji would be thrown out by Zoro and Zeff. Though that seemed more plausible than anything else, he couldn’t stop but hoping that at least one of them would take him back in. He would really try everything to fix their relationships and make up for the mess he had made but he wouldn’t be able to if those two would exclude him from their lives once and for all.

****

By the time they had reached the apartment building, Sanji felt like fainting. He had no idea what to say, how to approach Zoro, not even if he should really go up there. Well, whatever treatment he would get, he deserved it and he had to take the consequences sooner or later anyway. Better now than later when everything would be even worse.

****

Robin dropped him off and offered him to stay around, so if Zoro kicked him out, he could come back with her. It was a gesture that Sanji brought to tears; he didn’t deserve her support, after all he had left her behind like the rest of the group.

****

The elevator ride up to their apartment took forever. He hadn’t taken his keys along, fortunately the building’s front door was never closed and he only needed to have Zoro be home. His luggage was a real pain in the ass, he was exhausted and tired from carrying it, from the jet lag as well and he really wished that Zoro would just let him in for a short rest.

****

It did take him a few minutes of encouraging himself to ring the bell and once he had, his heart started beating out of his chest. What would happen? How would Zoro react? All the scenarios he had been thinking up the last weeks were flashing up before his mental eye like a movie, almost making him throw up from anxiety and nervousness.

****

The door opened enough for Zoro’s head to appear in Sanji’s sight and he could swear that the world stopped turning for a second. His ex-boyfriend looked him up and down as if he was proving that he was real, his eyes wide and he seemed to be holding his breath as well. Then he disappeared out of a sudden and the door fell shut, though Sanji wasn’t quite sure if he had thrown it shut or it was just an accident.

****

What now? It was clear enough, Zoro didn’t want him anymore and he couldn’t even blame him for it. He had screwed them up forever, they would never be able to be together again, not even as friends! What was he thinking, that everyone had just been awaiting him back? Not being able to hold his feelings back, he stumbled backwards against the wall and slid down, his face covered in his palm and his eyes filled with tears. His entire life was in pieces and he would never be able to put it back together.

****

His tears didn’t stop falling; everything he had been pushing away was now crashing down on him. He was breaking under the weight of his mistakes, those stupid mistakes that had only brought misery into his life. All he had left were his own possessions and Robin’s sympathy that he hated to accept. It was no use, he had to give up and turn his back on his old life forever and start over somewhere else, hopefully with the help of Robin and her boyfriend.

****

With trembling hands, he reached for his cell phone to text Robin that he needed to be picked up. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and tried to calm down enough to make the tears stop. Who knows when the neighbors would find him here and he looked terrible enough already, he didn’t want to give them more stuff to gossip about.

****

Suddenly the door in front of him opened again, revealing a frowning swordsman in just his pajama pants. “What are you waiting for? I’m not letting the door unlocked forever.” His voice was more a growl than anything else but Sanji couldn’t care less about the tone of it when the words’ meaning was so welcoming.

****

Zoro grabbed his bags and tossed them into the apartment before walking away again, this time leaving the door open ajar. Not hesitating, Sanji took his remaining suitcase and followed him inside. Everything was just as he had left it, just cleaner than he had expected. There were a few more shelves, probably the ones he had bought before France along with the bunch of new books sitting on them. So Zoro had been keeping it the way their home had always been, even fixed some of the broken spots.

****

They didn’t talk at all. Zoro walked into their bedroom and closed the door without another word, leaving Sanji back in the corridor. It was fine for now, he was home and he obviously was allowed to stay, it was all he needed in that moment. Everything else just needed some more time.

****

He settled onto the couch in the living-room, took off his coat and lied down on the soft cushions. The silence provided him the atmosphere he needed for a good nap after which he hoped to talk to Zoro about their relationship. They needed to get used to each other again and he wouldn’t dare to push it since he couldn’t risk to lose his love. And the fact that he was inside their shared apartment, taking a nap on their couch was proof enough that he could still fix this. With that prospect on his mind, he drifted off into a dreamless slumber.

****

~~

****

"Where're you going?" Sanji stared at his lover's back. He’d woken up from someone noisily shuffling around the room and found Zoro fully dressed and packing a bag.

****

"To work." His response was short and harsh, making the blonde flinch a bit.

****

"And that is where?" Although it was a good sign that Zoro talked to him at all, he couldn't ignore the hint of anger lingering in his every word. Not to mention the way he almost mocked him with that curt reply.

****

"Well, it's where I'm heading now."

****

Sanji’s widened in shock, for a second thinking that Zoro was just mocking him but even if, it was the most inappropriate moment for it. His temper rising, he rose to his feet and grabbed his coat. "Fine! We don't have to talk, I'm sorry for evading your personal space and trying to have some small talk. Sorry, that I still ca-"

****

"WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING?" Zoro's voice was so loud and angry that it rang in Sanji's ears. Their neighbors must have heard him too, but Sanji couldn't care less. His mind was focused on the other man, how he slowly turned around and that look in his eyes, glistening from a mixture of agony and anger. "You thought I'd welcome you home like nothing happened? You have no idea what I've been through all those weeks."

****

He paused, lowered his gaze and fisted his green hair, so obviously fighting with himself. The urge to break something and let his anger have its way was almost bouncing off him, frightening Sanji a little bit. But Zoro would never hurt someone he loved and he still did, didn't he?

****

"You really don't know what I've been through to keep going on... You don't know what mess I had to clean up... I... everyone asked me what happened, over and over again! I tried to move on but it all kept coming back again and again! Each time someone called you an asshole for what you've done, I defended you! I couldn't hear them talking bad about you even though they were right!"

****

Sanji didn't move, he didn't dare to, neither to talk. Zoro needed to get this out, he had bottled it up inside and was suffering from it badly. And it was Sanji's responsibility to hear him out, it was the consequence he had to take.

****

"Have you ever even thought about us? About your friends? About me?" There was a glint of sadness in his eyes, making all the rage disappear for a second. "Do you know what it feels like to be pushed off and left behind by the one person who taught you how to trust? What it's like to come home and be constantly reminded of that person? And I couldn't even find the strength to hate you. I couldn't even be angry! Because I fucking love you and I can't even change it!"

****

With a growl of frustration he kicked the nearest chair over and into the opposite wall. "I've done so much, SO FUCKING MUCH FOR YOU! I have always worked my ass off to make you happy, ALWAYS! Even when you were gone, I ran around begging people for money so I could pay your shit. I have two jobs that don't work well together but fuck, I need the money to keep this apartment and you know why? I wanted you to find your home still here when you'd come back! I wanted you to find me here..." He paused again to swallow hard, by now pacing up and down the living-room, ignoring the wide-eyed blonde watching him in shock. "Geez, my life's all about work! And the little time I have to sleep, I catch myself going back to our past and remembering the good times... I'm so fucked up, and I'm so sick and tired of all of this but I can't stop because of you... I've sacrificed so much for you, I've changed for you and what for? TO BE DUMPED LIKE SOME BROKEN TOY!"

****

"YOU'RE NOT SOME BROKEN TOY!" Sanji yelled back, his hands balled into fists at his sides and his breath coming out in pants. "I know I've fucked up big time and I don't deserve all of this. I don't deserve forgiveness... I know that there's nothing I could ever say or do to fix us again. But..." He squeezed his eyes shut to keep his tears at bay. "I had to go. I know that it sounds egoistic to you but I had to leave. I don't regret leaving. Even though I failed... I only regret the way I left. And I wasn't happy there, not for a second. The fact that I failed... I didn't try hard enough because deep down, I didn't want to stay there. But I guess I had to make that experience and I learned from my mistakes. I don't regret leaving... it made me realize so many things, even if it's too late now."

****

He released a breath he didn't know he was holding and opened his eyes again. There was no way Zoro would forgive him now, or ever. Biting his bottom lip, he stepped closer to the perplexed swordsman and rested his hand on his arm. "I realized that my home's not some country. My home's where you are and I don't care where that is. I can have whatever shitty job there is, as long as I can come home to you. As long as I have you, I'm happy." Smiling sadly, he leaned in and kissed Zoro's cheek quickly, not daring to linger. "I'm sorry that it took me so long."

****

Swallowing his tears, he threw his coat over his shoulder and walked past Zoro to leave. He'd figure something out, maybe he could make up with his father and get his old job back; at least to pay back what he owed Zoro. Which was so much more than he could ever pay back but he couldn't change any of it, unless he could turn back time.

****

Just when he opened the front door, he heard his voice, low and hoarse but still firm, "Go through that door now and you lost your last chance to fix this."

****

Confused Sanji halted in his tracks and turned to see Zoro standing in the living-room door. They looked at each other for a moment before Sanji turned towards the front door and closed it. The quiet sigh coming from Zoro made him smile a little; so he had wanted him to stay all along. “I didn’t expect you to take me back...,” Sanji whispered, turning his head when Zoro came closer.

****

“Then what did you expect? Your father would kill me if I threw you out,” Zoro frowned softly. Oh yeah, right. What was he thinking, that Zoro took him back out of love? Sanji dropped his head and shoulders, he should really stop thinking that fixing them was so easy. “Despite that... I can now make sure you’re alright. And I wouldn’t want to identify your dead body.”

****

It made Sanji look up to find him smiling that smile that had always made him feel at home. Carefully he leaned against Zoro, when latter didn’t pull away he couldn’t stop himself from wrapping his arms around him. He nuzzled his face into the green-haired man’s neck, inhaled his unique scent and for once after a while allowed himself to relax. Tears threatened to fall again when Zoro wrapped his arms around his waist, holding him closer than necessary but Sanji didn’t mind it at all. “I’m sorry, Zoro, I don’t know what to say other than that I’m sorry. I will never leave you again, I swear... I’ve missed you so much... don’t make me go,” he rambled and held tightly onto other man. “I’ll do whatever I have to fix us again. I know what I’ve done can’t be forgiven but I promise that I’ll never hurt you again.”

****

“You can’t promise that, idiot.” Zoro couldn’t deny that he was still mad at him and it would take a while to rebuild his trust but they would manage somehow. “Just promise you will never do something so reckless again without talking to me first. We could’ve figured something out together, you just had to be a little more patient. Just... never do that again, okay?”

****

“I promise,” Sanji nodded and looked up into the swordsman’s face, their noses touched when Zoro leaned their foreheads together. “Thank you... for granting me another chance. I’ll make up for what I’ve done somehow, okay? I’ll find a way...”

****

“We’ll see about that. I gotta go to work first and then we can talk,” Zoro smiled softly and kissed his lover’s nose. “Make use of that promise and stay put. I might think you’re just an illusion if you were gone when I’m back.”

****

“As if I’d leave this place again so soon. I’m still jet lagged anyway so I might be sleeping or whatever... I love you,” Sanji smiled back, “Don’t stay away too long. And call when you get lost.”

  
“Hey, I’ve been fine without you, okay,” Zoro pouted and poked Sanji’s side. “I’ll probably call to make sure you’re still around... I’ll ask my boss to let me go home earlier.” They pecked each other’s lips lovingly, brushed their lips together but tried to hold back the urge to go further. “I love you too, idiot.”

 

_End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry in case they're mistakes in the French dialogues. I really tried my best and did researching. 
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed this story and liked the ending! Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> That's it so far, will definitely add another chapter or even two ;) This just popped out of my flu-weakened mind so bare with me if it's a little weird. 
> 
> Rated T for language later on.
> 
> And sorry for this chapter being so short, it was supposed to be an one shot but then I figured it was too sad.


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